one sinful slave.

Ramadhan. Last year was exciting, in full deliberation of modesty and sincerity. Day filled with Quran, night filled with Tarawikh, dawn filed with Qiammullail. Then there’s iktiqaf and iftar. Beautiful.

Ramadhan, this year is a bit doubtful. I feel distance even when its near. I feel fear when everyone is celebrating. Frank, I feel shame. But I have faith and hope. Its all I’ve got to be welcomed in part of this holy month. May I be accepted to received this gift.

Whoever fast Ramadhan with faith and hope (for reward from Allah), their sins in the past are forgiven.
HR Bukhari and Muslim

12:56 pm »
If you ask me about photography, it’s like a drug seizing the brain and taking over the soul. Its like sipping the last drop of water on drenching summer and wanting more. It’s like running to cliff and fearlessly jump into the ocean and feel the serenity. Its like being in passionate love that’s gonna break you but you dare faced it to repeat it. Its like literature, words full of exaggeration but explain details like no else can.
If you ask me about photography, in simplest word its addictive.
Unfortunately, I left my camera 700km away. Worse.

in the interim

|No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen a friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other’s worth|

(Robert Southey)

A friend once said, “Distance is a silent killer“.
In this life as you move, you will meet great people. I know I had. They filled the empty, they cherish the unseen, they entertain silliness, they nonchalantly accept our stupidity and herein they’ve become part of your story. Then come divergence, separation and farewell. And these has always been hard for me to cope. Over years, I’ve tried to act cool, but never once succeed. I remember back in 2009, my batch from class of Austauschschüler Programm send me off that night. They hug, they kiss, they wave and I end up sobbing for 15 hours. I pity the guy who sat next to me in the airplane. He must be thinking I went through a severe heart-break. Back during high schools, it was even worse. Every year when school break starts, I silently slip myself to the back of class and shed these tears. Although the separation was only for two weeks because I usually join cram school.  Then there’s college. A month before final exam, I was already anxious. A week before, my tears start rolling. When I was a little girl, there’s time when my dad do i’tikaf (retreat in mosque) for nights especially during Ramadhan and I cried over because he wouldn’t let me join. Dad would say, “girls stay home; with mom”. Now that I’ve written this, suddenly it makes me think, ‘how big is my tears tank?’ – seriously!

Two decades been living, I’m still couldn’t grow up of feeling sorrowful over goodbyes. Perhaps, I will never be. One of my weakness emotion that I can’t make myself matured enough to say “Stop it! Don’t cry.” But I’ve managed to make myself belief one thing, “If there’s farewell, then there’s see you again“. That’s what my other friend taught me. I believe she makes out a good point. Because life is a journey but if we think hard enough, there’s no ending to it. We will go through three phases of life in general; where we have what we call spirit realm, that was when we were in soul form. Then there’s now – the world. And after this, there’s afterlife. The day of Reckoning will and must happen as Allah has mentioned this in Quran. For example in Surah Al-A’raf:

And it is He Who sends the winds as heralds of glad tidings, going before His Mercy (rain). Till when they have carried a heavy-laden cloud, We drive it to a land that is dead, then We cause water (rain) to descend thereon. Then We produce every kind of fruit therewith. Similarly, We shall raise up the dead, so that you may remember or take heed [57]. The vegetation of a good land comes forth (easily) by the Permission of its Lord, and that which is bad, brings forth nothing but a little with difficulty. Thus do We explain variously the Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) for a people who give thanks [58]. (Surah Al-A’raf)

Greatly, if we pray (make du’a) sincere enough, means chances for us to be placed in Heaven (by Allah’s Mercy) is definitely there. So, every time now, I keep reminding myself to make du’a so that all these people whom I’ve met and had delightful moments will be gathered in Allah’s Jannah (Ameen Ya Rabbil al-Amin). Forever we will be together.

The believers, men and women, are Auliya’ (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another, they enjoin (on the people) Al-Ma’ruf (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. polytheism and disbelief of all kinds, and all that Islam has forbidden); they perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat) and give the Zakat, and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah will have His Mercy on them. Surely Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise [71]. (Surah At-Taubah:71)

So, we’ll meet again, right?! 😉 😉 InsyaALLAH.

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In the slide show: Photo dated from 2006 till currently. Unfortunately, there’s no soft copy of photo 2005 and before.